I am sitting here in my office at 9:12 am, unsure of what to do next. Both kids are in school. I have lukewarm coffee. All my work for the year is finished. My house is (relatively) clean. I am just waiting, and it is oh so hard.

Today is my due date. I am 40 weeks pregnant and I am restless. I am sick of waiting. We planned very little this holiday season because we weren’t sure what was going to happen. In fact, Christmas is next week and we have zero plans. We have zero plans between now and Christmas because we are just waiting.

If I am being honest, it is driving me crazy. I am the kind of person who likes to be busy, who likes to have fun things on the calendar. I like the “noise” of the holidays. I like the Christmas music, candles burning in the background, and the smell of cookie coming from the oven. I like the lights on the tree and twinkling around the house. I like a full schedule of trips to see Santa or parties celebrate with family and friends. Give me more, more, more, more.

If I am being completely honest, it doesn’t feel like Christmas to me this year because we have simplified Christmas a bit too much this year. The noise has disappeared.

But in all its irony, this year is perhaps the closest I will ever come to experiencing the real meaning of advent.